Back on the weight loss train...choo-choo!!!!

So today was day three of dragging my frumpy old rear-end back into the gym. Mind you, when I stopped working out back in May (to focus on my ultra intense microbiology class) I was looking pretty good, so it was a humbling experience to tumble back in with an extra 50 pounds on my body. That's like throwing a first grader on your back and walking around like it's normal! Needless to say, I've got a lot of work ahead of me. Monday was an 8am group training class which I love because I can cheat a little and get away with it. When the trainer is focusing on another group member I might not go "as" low in the squat or lunge that I would if I knew he was looking. I still ended up crippled regardless of my feeble attempt to cheat the system. I also left a massive sweat stain outlining the shape of my butt on the stretch mat. I try to use these horribly embarrassing moments to change the world, so I shared the information with all the group members and we enjoyed a hearty belly laugh. My motto: "Life is short! Learn to laugh at yourself!" Well, that and, "Life is short! Drink coffee to do crap faster!" They both work really well for me :0

Tuesday, day two, was an early morning step class with one of my favorite instructors/people in the world. I was still hobbling around like an 80 year old hip replacement patient, so I chose to use my bench flush to the floor. I decided to avoid any bouncing at all (okay, lets be honest...220 pound girls don't bounce, hop, or jump...we jiggle!) and chose the "low impact" alternative. I'm pretty sure the instructor was calling me out on it all class...but I pretended to ignore her and decided that she must be yelling at someone else to pick up the intensity. Hey, I'm getting pretty good at beating the system.

That leads me to today. Personal Training one on one. Oh, please kill me now! I can't even lower myself to sit on the toilet. I made the mistake of bracing myself by placing my hands on the seat, but when my legs gave way I came crashing down on my fingers. Contrary to popular belief...there's not as much cushion back there as you would expect. Now I use one hand on the tub and one on the sink counter and try to slowly lower myself without instigating a shoulder injury. The stairs are impossible, and I find myself flopping down on the couch as if I'm playing a "trust" game from back in grade school. I can only imagine how ridiculous I look as I'm shuffling along to drop my daughter off at preschool. Can I please have a blinking neon light over my head with an arrow which reads, "Friends shouldn't let fat friends have personal training." I honestly have to plan my schedule with an extra 5 minutes because that's how long it takes me to get into the truck.

So I show up at the gym with 15 minutes to go before my session begins. I figured it would be wise to try to warm up the legs on the elliptical before the torture would commence. At this point I'm trying to come up with anything creative that will lessen the pain, even if by only a tiny fraction. Right? 10 minutes later I'm being lead away to "stretch" before hitting the weights. As the trainer walks in front of me, I notice the back of his shirt reads, "SATAN" (a pet name from a group of his clients) and I think, "can I go home now?" The next 60 minutes were a punishing plethora of strength training exercises that took me from saddling up in some green rubber bands that attempt to aide me in pull-ups- to using sex position #4 from page #27 to correctly execute dead lifts, reverse dumbbell flys, and dumbbell rows. Who knew?! All I remember is a lot of sweat, and a quick therapy session when I offered up information because I was so deliriously full of pain that I couldn't stop myself from saying it. Ah, life is short! Say crap that makes others feel better about themselves!

Here I sit 2 hours later, because I can't get up, blogging about the start of my second weight loss journey. I'd like to think that this will be the last time I have start this, but the odds are truly against me. If anything, this will be another journey into self discovery for me. I don't always find my destination, but I always learn something along the way that reshapes my belief system and, I think, makes me a better person.