Savor the moment

I shifted to my side trying to find a more comfortable spot in my lumpy bed. The sheets where my husband had slept were still a bit warm and I slowly drifted off again into a nice, deep sleep. It seemed like a few hours before I heard the first rustlings of my daughter in the next room. The sound of her awakening has become a joyous sound, and not one of sorrow having to leave the comforts of my lovely sheets. I rub my eyes and glance at the clock. 8:30am. It's unusual for something so small to sleep so long, but she enjoys her slumber as much as I do. I can hear her push the buttons of her musical toy as she starts to play. This is the beginning to her very innocent day. I lie awake and waiting. Waiting for the call, the sound that makes me want to get out of bed. "Mum ma, Mum ma," she calls. It's sweetly beautiful to hear your child say such a thing. To know that you are the person they want first thing when they wake up, that is to know you are loved.

I shouldn't let my children talk out loud...

A few days ago I was doing a deep-cleaning on my house. As I was mopping the floor, my 6 year old son said to me with much enthusiasm, "Who's coming over?"

Yesterday I was walking down the stairs to my laundry room with arms full of sheets and blankets from my bed. My 8 year old son asked me with a bit of a giggle, "Mom! Did you pee the bed?" To which I replied, "No, your father did," and I kept on going.

My boys are also convinced that babies come out of the butt, because they accidently caught a little bit too much information from one of those Discovery network shows...or maybe they didn't catch quite enough information...

After the birth of my daughter, my older son watched intently as I changed his new baby sister's diaper. After which he said to me with great enlightenment, "Mom, I just wanted you to know that I now know the difference between girls and boys." And then he confidently walked away and never said another word about it.

During one winter afternoon, my husband and I had the brilliant idea of putting cartoons on for our sons, and racing upstairs for a little uhm...one on one time. There was no time to lose, so we didn't remove the laundry baskets from the bed, which ended up being a saving grace. Being so involved in the moment, we didn't hear the light squabble between the boys downstairs, or the sound of one very upset boy coming up the stairs. Without any warning, our bedroom door flew open and there stood our older son. My husband screamed for him to get out, but not before our son had a nice shot of my husbands bare bottom. I thought this would terrify our son! However, our pride and joy decided that a better idea would be to shout down to his younger brother, "Quick! Come up here! Daddy's kissing mommy naked!"

Welcome to my world...

Coffee

I just want them to get it right! Lg Coconut ice coffee, cream and sugar. I pull up to the window, get my coffee and take a sip. No coconut...super bummer. I kindly hand the coffee back and say, "I ordered this with coconut, could you put a few splashes in for me?" He takes my coffee and then hands it back after 15 seconds. I pull away and take a sip. Surely it would be right this time. Uhm...No! How can you get this wrong? It's not like I went at 8am and their were 800 other coffee freaks waiting for their coffee's. Am I wrong to expect somewhat exceptional service from a multibillion dollar company? Why should I expect less? Just because someone makes 8 bucks an hour does not give them the right to be incapable of taking an order and getting it right. And if they get it wrong, and are asked to fix it...how come I can't expect that they'll get it right?

The Beginning

So here it is...my first blog. Maybe now I can give my poor husband some piece and quiet, as this will be the place for my ramblings. So I've been inspired to blog from my cousin Erin. She is so raw and unihibited in her blog, as she needs to be. Erin just lost her beautiful baby. I think I will remember the phonecall from my mom telling about it, for the rest of my life. My first emotion-shock. My second emotion-guilt. I am very very different from Erin. I am very concrete and conservative, and she is very open and liberal. I have three wonderful children and I believe, for the most part, that I've done a pretty good job raising them. Erin and I were preggo with our babies roughly the same time. I had Hannah in August, and Erin had Birdie in March. My Hannah is alive and well with me today. Her Birdie is not. I read her blog almost everyday and I continue to struggle with what happened. I can't tell her this...I think it would make her angry. It didn't happen to me and I therefore don't have the right to hurt over it. It's hard to feel this way....



Birdies death has changed me. I'm so much more patient with my children, giving to them much more of my time. I quit my job as a teacher in a preschool to be able to stay home with my kids. I am going to homeschool them because we can not afford to send them to a private school without me working, and Noah is terrified of going to a public school. We are actively involved in extracurricular activities and my children are well socialized...so please don't try to argue that I'm going to be raising social misfits if I homeschool. That will just show me that you are completely uneducated about the benefits of homeschooling, and I don't have time for your ignorance. I can boldly say that, because I didn't think a whole lot differently about a year ago. I am also still nursing my baby (she's almost a year) and my reason may seem so weird. Erin was so excited to nurse her little baby, and then she couldn't. I can't imagine what it must have felt like for her when her milk came in and she had no baby to feed. I nurse Hannah because I am able to, and the bond that it has created between her and I is amazing. I don't think I would have made it through the difficult moments of nursing (biting, blistered nipples, etc), but I did it for Birdie. Birdie's death changed me, and I can't wait to thank her someday. I know that I'll get a chance to meet her and I find peace in knowing that she's up with our Saviour.



Okay, so I've finally been able to express all of my pent up feelings about a baby and mom that I was barely close to, but yet changed me so much. This blog is my selfish place to release any uncomfortable thought that I may have. I don't intend for it to help anyone, or to cause anyone argument. This is my space where I won't worry about how I might sound or feel.

-Meg