The "raping" of Dunkin Donuts...

Success is always in the preparation. I learned this hard way last Tuesday and I'm still paying for it. For 5 days I had gone 90% Paleo and was feeling phenomenal. As much as I dislike the scale, and think that it should be banned, I found myself pulling it out from under my bed, tapping it gently with my big toe to turn it on, and stepping on it with a slight hesitation. The universe was swinging in my favor and I discovered that I had lost 5 pounds in 5 days and wasn't hungry...did you get that? Wasn't hungry? Weird, awesome, amazing, fantastic, etc, etc, etc...

Monday morning was day 1 of no creamer and goodbye Dunkin donuts. The universe was, again, swinging in my favor and I survived. Tuesday morning arrives. I eat a healthy breakfast of egg whites, 1 whole egg, and a banana. I leave the house at 10:15 for an exam in Worcester. Part 1 of my exam begins at 12:30 but part 2 isn't until 2:30. Do you think I packed a lunch? Of course not. Do you know what I had to stare at in the holding room between Part 1 and Part 2? Twinkies, ring dings, pop tarts, cheetos, twizzlers, Lays potato chips, some sort of danish thing, and an assortment of other obesity-causing treats. Thank goodness I didn't have a dollar on me because that vending machine wouldn't have known what hit it. By the time I exit my exam it has been 7 hours since my last meal, and with my ramped up metabolism from being "paleo" for 5 days, I was ravenous. I was seriously trying to talk myself off a ledge as I walked to my truck to leave. "Don't do it Meg, don't stop for food. Get home and make yourself something to eat. Don't do it, you'll regret it." Suddenly, my encouraging self talk is rendered silent as I remember the single donut that should be sitting in a bag right behind me in the truck. I reached my arm around in haste to grasp the bag in my iron claw (or hand, whatever you want to call it) and I come up EMPTY. It is in those last few moments of clarity that I realize I had taken that bag and thrown it in the TRASH just before I had left for my exam. So now I'm a ravenous, un-prepared, paleo dieter, with donut on the brain. Before I know what's happening I'm racing up the highway with a single motivation...must get to a Dunkin Donuts. I hit Gardner in less then 25 minutes and I'm pulling into my favorite DD drive-thru. Still paralyzed with starvation I order 1 large ice coffee (cream, liquid sugar, shot of coconut), 2 glazed sticks, and a sausage, egg, and cheese on a croissant. The teller hands me my bag of donuts and coffee while the sandwich finishes. I'm tempted to devour the donuts as I wait but I didn't want to scare the poor girl working the window, and so I wait, sort of, patiently. I'm not even sure of the sequence of events which occurred there after. I know there was a brutal raping of my favorite Dunkin Donuts, and I'm pretty sure there's a warrant out for my arrest.

Fast forward 7 days and you will find yourself sitting next to me while I write this. Ashamed, tormented, defeated, regrettable, me. I definitely learned the importance of preparation and have suffered the consequences of my, "If you give a moose a muffin" shenanigans.

Tomorrow is June 1, and this girl will not be side tracked for one more day. My short term goal is to give up Dunkin Donuts for the entire month of June. I'm starting with that because I know that I need a short term goal, and I also know that if I can make it through June then I will probably try to make it thru July, and so on. But I just can't think about July right now (thanks Marianne! I'm taking a page out of your playbook), so we're going to start with June.

The Last Strong-hold...

is my creamer and my DD ice coffees. There are few things in this world that I enjoy as much as an orgasm: synthetic french vanilla creamer in my morning coffee, and a dunkin donuts ice coffee are two of them, and I like them multiple times a day.

I have spent most of my spare time, recently, reading up on eating paleo. I've been purging the house of non-paleo foods (pretty much anything in a can or box that didn't grow in the ground or come from a mother). The last two dinners I prepared using lean grass fed beef left my family drooling for more. Tonight I made lean burgers and sauteed up some sweet onion and red pepper strips in extra virgin olive oil. Honestly, one of the most delicious things I've ever eaten. It's not really all that hard to eat like this, as long as the food is in the house to prepare. I'm eating 3 meals a day and not feeling hungry...hell must be freezing over.

My only complaint about my new lifestyle is the unexpected, and also instantaneous, urge to poop that seems to come at the LEAST opportune times (such as minutes before taking the group fitness stage to teach a class). I am convinced that since I am, pretty much, the last fitcon instructor who has not peed their pants then my penance will be that I am the first fitcon instructor to poop my pants on stage. I can't imagine a more perfect person for it to happen to. Bring on the roughage!

I have committed to "quitting" cancer-causing creamer and dunkin donuts, for good, on Sunday. It's my last strong hold. I can do without cereal, rice, bread, milk, yogurt, cottage cheese...but my daily, multiple, as-good-as-an-orgasm, DD ice coffee is incredibly heart breaking to stop. So this is what it feels like to be in an abusive relationship? (no, I don't really think it's comparable, but I hope you understand the metaphor. You know something is terrible for you, could possibly kill you, but you just can't seem to walk away. Make sense?)

"This week, try staying firmly rooted in the present, not regrets from the past or worries about the future. Your power exists in the now." -Jillian Michaels

I love it when the universe stops and talks to me! So why does this apply to me? Because I live my life about 5 years down the road and yet always dwelling on the past. I am NEVER in the present. This is especially true as it relates to my dieting history. My focus is so firmly rooted on what I will eventually look like IF i lose the weight that when I have a little bobble in the road I just give up all together. I never embrace the moment or the small triumphs I have.

I have a gut feeling that "this time" is going to be different. I can only explain it because this is the first time that I'm actually researching, planning, contemplating, etc before I start. I'm trying to avoid an inevitable failure because I lacked preparation. It requires quite a bit more discipline then what I've been used to, and that's probably exactly what I need. I'm prepping for my first 30 day challenge...I will let you know when I finally get to start it :)

The beginning to an end...hopefully

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